The (Not Always) Fine Print - Vol. 3

The day that almost made my head explode...

So here we are. We’ve made it to the third instalment of the series. For those of you who have been with me since the start, I hope you’ll agree I’ve been my unapologetically authentic self. Quite frankly, I don’t think the content would be anywhere near as engaging if I wasn’t.

I’ve avoided politics so far, but this week something happened I couldn’t ignore. That’s right, this post may well resemble an episode of Peter Griffin’s ‘You Know What Grinds My Gears?’

Fair warning, if you’ve been protesting outside asylum seeker hotels, stop reading now; this post isn’t for you.

Still here?

Great.

She said what…?

I was doomscrolling my Twitter feed this week and while I do all I can to pretend GB News’ existence is a hellscape from my nightmares, rather than reality, a clip popped up that I couldn’t ignore.

It was an interview with the founder of Women’s Safety Initiative, Jess Gill. At first glance, based solely on the organisation’s name, I assumed it would be someone smuggling humanity into the far-right echo chamber. Oh, how wrong I was…

She quickly started discussing the surge in ‘migrant crime’, claiming the reason women feel unsafe on British streets is because of illegal immigrants. This, unsurprisingly, angered me. Such an oversimplification of the truth endangers the lives of asylum seekers, while actively downplaying the true dangers facing women across the country.

She then went on to make a closing point that made my blood boil: “One in four sex crimes are committed by foreign nationals. That means one in four sex crimes didn’t need to happen.”

A quick PSA from me… zero sex crimes need to happen. They’re all avoidable and even implying that isn’t the case is dangerous beyond belief.

What’s just as disgusting is that she’s using some of the worst crimes imaginable to point-score against vulnerable people seeking asylum. If Women’s Safety Initiative actually cared about women’s safety, it would focus on the three-quarters of sex crimes committed by Brits, not the minority carried out by foreign nationals.

Politics in pieces

That interview was basically a snapshot of the loud minority in the UK right now. You know the type. They display the St. George’s flag out of every window of their house while lambasting immigrants, despite St. George being born in Turkey and living in Palestine as a Roman soldier. Sadly, it seems very few of the political parties have any interest in silencing them.

Of course, I didn’t expect anything positive from the Reform Party Conference, and I know that I should ignore its existence. But it’s like when your mate sinks their sixth Jägerbomb, then heads off to the dance floor… you know carnage is coming, but you can’t look away.

How right I was! In truth, I could write another 600 words just on the balls-up in Birmingham but I’ll keep it short, sharp and to the point:

• Andrea Jenkyns made her entrance while singing “I’m an insomniac”. Pretty apt given how insomnia impacts mental capacity.

• Les Anderson used his speech as a platform to claim British kids aren’t taught to read and write at school anymore. Spoiler: they are.

• Nigel ‘the walking enema’ Farage chose an odd metaphor: “We are all ships rising on a turquoise tide”. Shame his supporters don’t like people who travel by water.

• Nadine Dorries was unveiled as the party’s new shiny toy to help offer credibility after defecting from the Tories. That’s the same Nadine who has failed more times than Boris Johnson’s birth control plans.

Of course, it’d be easier to laugh if the party in power had its act together. Sadly, it doesn’t.

Waiting for government

After more than a decade of Tory tyranny, there was hope when Starmer’s Labour Party won, but it didn’t take long to see it was just Tories in red ties.

Don’t believe me? Labour’s foreign secretary was quoted as saying Israel isn’t committing genocide in Gaza. That’s despite Israel’s own military data indicating 83% of casualties were civilians.

The party’s policies have also seen 1,339 people arrested on “terrorism” charges this year, substantially more than any other year on record. Why? Supporting certain pro-Palestinian groups supposedly makes everyone from veterans to vicars a danger to society.

There’s now even talk of revealing the identity of Banksy and throwing the legal book at him following his latest work. Utter madness!

Where’s the light at the end of the tunnel?

The past two posts have ended with a call to action, or some form of uplifting ditty to neatly round-off my stream of consciousness. Sadly, with the mess we’re in, that just isn’t possible.

We’re stuck in a system where people are angry, and many want to blame immigrants for their problems. The truth? The UK is a pyramid scheme, and none of us are anywhere near the top.

So instead of a solution, I’ll leave you with a track that sums it up perfectly: rap-punk powerhouse Hyphen’s criminally underrated ‘Hate Yachts, Not Dinghies.’