The (Not Always) Fine Print - Vol.1

Is it time to cut down on our use of the F-word?

Last year, I received a DM that really opened my eyes. And no, not one of those DMs!

In response to a post I wrote on LinkedIn about mental health challenges, a new connection I’ve since had many an interesting conversation with invited me to be a guest on his podcast. The show, Good Enough Chats, focuses on men’s mental health, with each episode having a new guest talking about their struggles, obstacles they’ve overcome and approaches they’ve taken to do so.

Honestly, it took me a while to reply. Two reasons:

1. Imposter syndrome - Was my story really worthy of air time? Most people who know me would probably wonder why I’d been invited on at all. Not because I don’t have struggles, but because I rarely share them with anyone but my partner.

2. Taking the focus away from women - Let’s be honest, there are a glut of podcasts where men set the world to rights. As a staunch advocate for giving women a platform, I wasn’t interested if this was more of the same. Thankfully it wasn’t. Good Enough Chats is a genuine outlet tackling a criminally underserved area; men’s mental health.

After talking it through with my fiancée and a couple of trusted friends, I took the plunge. A year later and the podcast episode has not only been recorded but published.

The outpouring of support I received was legitimately heartwarming and made me realise I don’t need to keep the struggles I go through bottled up. In truth, I have a network of friends, loved ones, current and ex-colleagues that are willing to go the extra mile to check how I’m doing and actively care about the response.

Since that moment of realisation, I’ve been looking for an outlet for my thoughts - whether focused on mental health, the news agenda, politicians being one of the worst subsections of society or miscellaneous nonsense. My good friend Jim inspired me recently by setting up his Substack, so here I am.

Still there?

Great! Onto the meat and potatoes of this first post of mine…

The F-word

There’s one word that comes up far too often in conversations these days. You know the one. Four letters. Starts with F. Rolls off the tongue without a second’s thought. Yet can be seriously dangerous. That’s right: fine.

You know the drill. Someone asks, “How are you?” and out comes the autopilot reply. “Yeah, I’m fine.” That’s it. Conversation over. The other person nods. Box ticked, no further probing required. But here’s the issue. Fine almost never means fine. At best, it’s a deflection. At worst, it’s a smokescreen hiding something much darker.

The word has this sneaky way of reassuring the person asking while simultaneously isolating the person answering. They think they’ve done their bit by checking in. You’ve given them the get-out clause they were subconsciously hoping for. Everyone walks away without having to step into the awkwardness of honesty.

The irony of it all? By saying “fine”, we actually deny ourselves the chance to connect. The people around us aren’t mind-readers. They can’t know what’s happening inside unless we crack the window open a little. And yes, so often, we keep defaulting to that one syllable safety net, because being vulnerable can be terrifying. We don’t want to burden anyone. Sadly, fine is sometimes just easier than the truth.

Mental health doesn’t improve by keeping it surface level though. “Fine” is the equivalent of putting a plaster on a broken foot. It looks neat enough on the outside, but underneath, the damage is still there.

Beyond fine

What I’ve come to realise is that fine isn’t just a word. It’s a shield. Sometimes it protects us from vulnerability. Other times it protects others from having to hear what we’re really going through. Here lies the issue though. Shields also block connection.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’re not always going to get this right. Some days, we’ll still default to the easy answer. Some days we won’t feel brave enough to open up. That’s ok. What matters is that we start noticing when we’re leaning on fine as a crutch and when we might be better served by sharing a little of what’s really going on.

Because honesty, even in fragments, has a way of making space for compassion. It gives the people around us the chance to show up, step in and prove that we don’t have to carry everything alone. That, I think, is worth far more than the fleeting comfort of sounding “fine.”

That, in a nutshell, is why I’ve opted to call this series The (Not Always) Fine Print. I won’t always be fine when I’m writing these posts. If I am, I may well not be all that fine once I’ve pressed publish. I certainly won’t be when I spot the first typo!

So, where to next?

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. It means the world you’d spend part of your day reading this (hopefully coherent) stream of consciousness. You may have noticed that I’ve not actually revealed anything of substance when it comes to the mental health obstacles I’ve faced over the years. That’s intentional. Not because I’m ashamed. I’m not, I’m damn proud of where I am and how I got here. I made that choice, because doing so would mean you wouldn’t have a reason to listen to my dulcet tones (the host Dan’s words, not mine) on the episode of the Good Enough Chats Podcast I mentioned earlier.

So, if you want to listen to a (middle-aged) West Country boy opening up about his experience with mental health, you can listen on Spotify or any other reputable podcast hosting platforms, or you can watch the full recording on YouTube below.

Check back next week when I’ll be sharing the very true story of how one of the most important days of my life went completely pear-shaped… until it didn’t. And if you enjoyed this post, hit subscribe. That way the next one will wing its way straight to your inbox. Catch you next time!